This question concerns many people, including scientists.
To find an answer, in 2015, American researchers conducted a large-scale study involving over 30,000 individuals. The results revealed that couples who engaged in sex at least once a week were happier than those for whom this joyful event occurred less frequently. However, those who had sex more than once a week did not become even happier as a result. This suggests that the norm for a happy sex life is having sex once a week.
But in 2016, English sexologists conducted their own extensive research. According to their findings, the percentage of happy individuals among those who made love 2-3 times a week was actually higher than among those who had sex once a week.
Experts believe that these contradictory data may indicate that there is no universal standard for sexual activity.
As the sex consultant, psychotherapist, and writer Ian Kerner rightly put it, “What is good for some couples does not suit everyone. For some once a week is too much, while for others, it is not enough.”
In another study conducted in 2018, half of the participant couples were asked to have sex twice as often as usual. However, they did not become happier as a result. On the contrary, their libido decreased, and they experienced less pleasure from intimacy.
So, the conclusion is that people should engage in sex as much as they desire, and only they can determine their own norm. Although this norm may change over time.
The frequency with which each person needs to have sex is determined by their age and sexual constitution.
There are people with a strong, moderate, and weak sexual constitution, so the need for sex varies. Those with a high level of sexual constitution may need to engage in intimacy 5-6 times a week, people with a moderate sexual constitution may require about 3 sexual acts per week, while those with a low sexual drive may find once a week to be sufficient.
Sexual activity also depends on age. For example, the younger a man is, the more actively testosterone hormones and libido are produced, so having sex once a day or every other day is considered normal between the ages of 20 and 29. As men age, their libido decreases, and if a man is between 50 and 59 years old, one or two sexual contacts per week are enough.
As for women, if they don’t experience discharge during intimacy once or twice, there’s nothing to worry about, but if this happens consistently, it can be detrimental to their health. During sex, natural blood flow occurs in the genitals, and to relieve this excess blood flow, discharge is necessary. If it’s absent, there’s a risk of developing stagnant phenomena, such as varicose veins and uterine fibroids. Sexual intercourse should culminate in an orgasm for both men and women. Everyone needs to pay attention to regularity, and if there’s no steady partner, engaging in self-satisfaction can help maintain one’s needs and desires at an acceptable level.
Periods of greatest sexual activity in men and women do not coincide in time.
The belief that men are more frequently in need of sex and ejaculation has long been ingrained in society. On average, a man experiences up to 11 erections in one day, but over half of them occur during sleep. Therefore, men can engage in sex multiple times a day, similar to the early stages of relationships when libido is at its peak.
Usually, intimate life starts to pique the interest of boys during adolescence, and testosterone is the reason for their strong attraction. Between 15 and 20 years old, men enter a period of hypersexuality. At this age, they may not prioritize the quality and duration of intimacy, as the opportunity to engage in love with different partners takes the forefront.
Between the ages of 23 and 30, youthful hypersexuality subsides in men. They develop a desire for both physical and emotional intimacy with their partners. This period involves sexual experimentation and efforts to improve techniques and the quality of sexual encounters.
After the age of 32, men experience a slight decrease in their intimate drive, while women’s libido becomes more active. Hence, partners of the same age group between 30 and 40 may achieve harmony in their sex lives. The gradual decline in interest in sexual relations occurs almost equally for both men and women as they age.
Once a man finds his “significant other,” there is a sudden surge in the activity of his sexual life. However, when the wave of passionate love passes, men start to engage in sex as much as their bodies require—up to five times a week for those under 30, and 2-3 times a week for men aged 30 to 35. After this age, the testosterone level significantly decreases, libido diminishes, and men may prefer to have sex only once every 7-10 days. Frequent ejaculation can lead to exhaustion of the body.
These figures apply under the conditions of normal emotional well-being and comfortable relations with the sexual partner. If emotional tension arises due to work or problems with the partner, a man’s libido usually decreases much faster.
Female libido remains a mystery for experts, men, and even women themselves. This is because women’s sexual desire is directly related to many factors. The primary condition for a woman’s desire is emotional satisfaction from the relationship with her sexual partner.
Similar to men, women’s desire for sex is related to their age:
- 20-25 years – 4 times a week;
- 25-30 years – 3 times a week;
- 30-40 years – 2 times a week;
- 40-50 years – 1 time a week;
- 50-60 years – 1 time every 2 weeks;
- over 60 years – not less than 1 time a month.
This level of intimacy with a man is sufficient to satisfy physical needs and maintain emotional stability. However, it is essential to remember that these are approximate figures, and it all depends directly on a woman’s libido – her natural desire.
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To ensure sexual satisfaction for both partners, the frequency and duration of sexual activity are essential factors. According to statistics, the average duration of sexual intercourse is about 7 minutes. Additionally, research has shown that on average, 60-70 thrusts are sufficient for achieving orgasm.
Researchers from the Pennsylvania State University (USA) conducted a study that confirmed that a lengthy sex “marathon” does not always result in positive emotions. Often, it leads to disappointment, and the ideal duration of sexual intercourse should not exceed 13 minutes.
The researchers identified the following scale for the length of intimate closeness:
- Optimal duration: 7 to 13 minutes.
- Normal length: 3 to 7 minutes.
- Short sex: 1 to 2 minutes.
Thus, the answer to the question “How much sex is healthy?” cannot be given in exact numbers as it varies individually. However, there are three situations when one should consider slowing down on sex:
- Sex affects your psychological well-being: There’s a difference between hypersexuality and sexual addiction. Hypersexuality refers to a high level of desire, which is not abnormal in itself. The problem arises when you feel that:
- Your sexual impulses are out of control.
- You engage in sex despite risky consequences (e.g., contracting a sexually transmitted disease or losing a steady partner).
- You use sex as a means to cope with loneliness, depression, anxiety, or stress. In these cases, it’s advisable to seek help from a psychotherapist or sexologist.
- Sex worsens your physical condition: Various reasons can contribute to this, from dehydration and muscle strain to cystitis and vaginal pain. If sex starts to have a negative impact on your health, taking a break is necessary.
- One partner is not interested in intimacy: Having different sexual temperaments within a couple is not uncommon. In such cases, the partner with a higher libido should not force the other into sex. Of course, the issue should be addressed, but not through coercion or violence. Possible solutions include open communication and finding compromise, seeking medical advice, or, ultimately, masturbation.
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Quite often, couples encounter the challenge of mismatched libidos. One partner may find four times a week too frequent, while the other may feel it’s too infrequent. This situation commonly occurs in long-term relationships where sexual desire may have waned. When a woman experiences an excess of sex, it is often related to a lack of emotional closeness with her partner.
Despite numerous factors such as past traumas, shame, upbringing, or experiences of violence, the key factor is openness between sexual partners. The solution is simple: showing more care and affection towards the woman can make her more inclined to initiate intimacy.
For a man who perceives his sexual life as too scarce, it’s essential not to overlook the woman’s libido and “catch” the moments when she ovulates and her desire increases. At this time, the man can fulfill all his desires as women are more open to various sexual games during heightened emotions.
In situations where one partner desires more sex and the other desires less, it’s essential to create an atmosphere for open communication on the topic. However, it’s crucial not to pressure the partner.
The situation can be improved through psychological adjustment, with one partner adapting to the needs of the other. Additionally, to synchronize physiological and psychological needs, a woman can use a specially designed stimulating gel that enhances sensations, helps to get in the right mood, and overall improves the quality of sexual intercourse.
Although there are no strict standards for sex, increasing the frequency of intercourse is possible with a healthy lifestyle. Regular physical activity makes a person more energetic, and proper nutrition improves hormone production.
For a satisfying intimate life, both men and women require foods rich in vitamins E and A, and ascorbic acid. Including foods such as seafood, chicken, carrots, potatoes, citrus fruits, and greens in the diet is recommended. On the other hand, fatty and excessively sweet foods, as well as alcohol, can reduce libido.
One thing is certain: sex should bring joy. If it fails to fulfill this essential function, it’s time to stop and take action to address the situation.
Sexual desire is a fluctuating inclination that changes with age, stages of the relationship, individual partner preferences, and so on. Regardless of how many times a week you spend intimate moments with your partner, it can be beneficial to both health and the relationship. The key is that intimate closeness should bring joy to both participants and occur with mutual consent. Sexologists advise not to focus on quantity but to work on the quality of sexual relationships.
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