Most people, from Tasmanian aborigines to New Yorkers, lose their virginity during their teenage years. This is not only an age of heightened hormonal activity but also a period when people learn to recognize their desires and reconcile conflicts between their inner selves and the outside world.
Currently, the average age at which people start having sex varies between 17 and 22 years, depending on the country. However, 3 % of those who are over 30 have never engaged in sexual intercourse. Why does this happen? And is it a cause for concern?
WHY DO PEOPLE REMAIN VIRGINS FOR A LONG TIME?
- Strict Religious and Moral Beliefs
The authors of a large-scale scientific study conducted five years ago in many states in the USA concluded that this is the primary reason. People abstain from sexual contact until marriage because their faith or convictions dictate so. Major world religions like Christianity, Islam, and Judaism generally discourage “sexual promiscuity” in general and premarital intercourse in particular. In some more radical Muslim communities, premarital sex is punishable by law, and in others, the community may take action against it (so-called honor killings, where a man’s relatives deal with a “promiscuous” woman).
Sometimes, the willingness to “save oneself” is not related to religious views but to the desire to first meet the right person who will become their only sexual partner. For example, 19 % of Utah residents considered premarital sex unacceptable and abstained from sexual intercourse until they registered a relationship.
2. Shyness
This is the second reason cited by researchers. Many virgins find it challenging to establish contact with the opposite sex because they lack self-confidence and perceive themselves as unattractive, even if that’s not the case. As a result, they struggle to initiate relationships, let alone take them to an intimate level.
3. Lack of Interest in Sex
In the world, there are slightly over 3% of asexual individuals—people who do not experience sexual attraction to anyone and are generally not interested in engaging in sexual intercourse. Of course, not all of them are virgins. Some asexuals realize their uniqueness relatively late and manage to start a sexual life by that time. However, in most cases, this life ends in divorce and loneliness.
4. Psychological Trauma
Perhaps in childhood, they encountered situations where adults responded inadequately to their emerging sexuality, made mocking comments about a developing girl’s breasts or made hurtful remarks about a boy’s untimely erection. Undoubtedly, childhood traumas affect one’s adult life. However, it is impossible to predict how a person’s psyche will be affected by what happened to them in childhood. For instance, two individuals who experienced sexual abuse as children might react differently in their adult lives. The first person may completely abstain from sex, avoiding any reminders of the psychological trauma, while the second person may become sexually very active, attempting to overcome the trauma with the belief that “this time, it will be different”.
But if a young man chooses to remain a virgin until the age of 30 and beyond, you can be sure that the humiliation experienced in childhood or adolescence has not left him unscathed!
5. They haven’t met the right person yet
Finding someone with whom you want to spend your entire life and hundreds of happy hours in bed is not as easy as it may seem. In romantic comedies, you often encounter the love of your life just around the corner on the street! However, in real life, you may date and break up with many people because you realize that you wouldn’t want to spend the rest of your life with that person.
Thousands of marriage agencies worldwide would go out of business if finding a worthy partner were an easy task. The problem is that many virgins are looking for more than just a sexual partner; they want someone with whom they will feel comfortable for many years. They want a partner who is attractive, shares the interests and goals of their significant other, and can establish a connection with them.
But in reality, the likelihood of meeting someone who completely matches another’s expectations is very slim. That’s why people spend some time together before getting into bed to make sure their interests and personalities align. Then comes the need to adjust to their partner’s quirks and show a willingness to make mutual concessions and compromises, as these are essential for a happy life together.
Unfortunately, many virgins are not prepared to invest time and effort into changing themselves and influencing their partner. They would prefer to meet someone who perfectly aligns with their expectations from the start. And since that doesn’t often happen, they choose not to enter into relationships with anyone to avoid the bitterness of disappointment and separation.
In addition, many virgins who have not met a suitable partner in their youth or early adulthood live with the fear that if they meet “the right person” in adulthood, they will no longer have the strength or energy to satisfy their basic instinct. However, these are unfounded fears, because if you take care of your health, do not abuse drugs and alcohol, and also use the reliable ManPlus product, then a strong and long-lasting erection is guaranteed until you are very old.
STEREOTYPES ABOUT VIRGINS
Despite the fact that a person’s lack of sexual experience doesn’t make them better or worse and should be a private matter, virgins often become the target of jokes and inappropriate comments.
First and foremost, this applies to men, for whom a history of numerous sexual conquests is historically seen as something right, natural, and even romantic. A ladies’ man who frequently changes partners is often admired. The assumption is that a man should inherently be more experienced in sex than his female partner. This is a common trope in movies and popular literature: the experienced hero “enlightens” the innocent heroine.
Another enduring stereotype dating back to World War II is the belief that there are fewer men than women in America, so good men are snatched up by women almost as soon as they become available.
If a man has never had sex, those around him often assume that there’s something wrong with him. The possibility that abstinence may be a deliberate choice or due to circumstances is rarely considered. Adult virgins are depicted as comical characters. They are shown as unattractive, clumsy, poorly dressed, and socially unadapted. Examples include the main character in the movie “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” or the character Sheldon Cooper in the TV series “The Big Bang Theory”.
The situation is somewhat different for women. Female virginity, on the contrary, is idealized and encouraged. There are many misconceptions and traditions surrounding it, which in the modern world may seem entirely outdated but continue to be upheld.
For example, the custom of displaying the sheets on which the newlyweds slept after their first night together for public inspection. This practice is still observed in Asian countries and some deeply traditional patriarchal communities in Europe.
Another common stereotype is the belief in telegony — a pseudoscientific theory that claims a woman’s first sexual partner passes on his genetic material to her and effectively becomes the father of all her children, regardless of who she bears them with.
While men often boast about their sexual exploits (not always truthful ones), women tend to keep such matters private to avoid slut-shaming. Women can be labeled with derogatory terms and insults for any sexual activity, dressing provocatively, or even just for interacting with the opposite sex.
At the same time, society doesn’t always view a female virgin as a paragon of strict morality. Usually, after the age of 25-30, the pristine and virtuous creature who captivates traditionalists transforms into a “spinster” or “old maid.” In the collective consciousness, a female virgin over 30 must be unattractive and overweight, as well as embittered and quarrelsome.
WHY IS LATE VIRGINITY CONDEMNED?
For centuries, one of the primary functions of humans was to continue the lineage. Essentially, people lived and procured sustenance with a singular goal: to find a mate, engage in sexual activity, give birth, and raise as many children as possible. Life expectancy was low (even in the early 20th century, it averaged just 37 years), and child mortality rates were high. This approach was the only way for humanity to survive. Social norms also played a role – pride in one’s lineage and the fear that it might be interrupted. Moreover, the desire to leave something behind, in a sense, to become immortal.
Nowadays, the situation has changed drastically. Thanks to advances in medicine, both life expectancy and the global population are increasing. By 2050, the world’s population is expected to reach 10 billion. In developed countries, children are already becoming more of a luxury than a necessity (as evidenced by the cost of primary and higher education).
However, ancient norms still hold sway in the collective consciousness: sex is presented as something vital, and a person who hasn’t found a partner, and therefore can’t continue the family line, is perceived as a system failure.
Due to feelings of inadequacy, virgins who still want to enter into relationships find it even harder to find a partner. They fear they will disappoint a potential partner, and they worry that if the truth is revealed, their partner might laugh and leave.
People who haven’t had sex in their teenage years remain in the minority, and the further they go without it, the more they differ from the majority. They not only experience the absence of sex but also feel increasingly “different” from others. As a result, they often not only condemn themselves for their lack of a sexual life but also chastise themselves for these feelings. Self-condemnation can escalate, leading to deep depression, which is often “treated” with drugs or alcohol. Overcoming such an addiction can be even more challenging!
In such a situation, it is much wiser to use the reliable ManPlus product, which will allow you to feel vitality and maximum performance for many years, and also increase your sense of sexual confidence.
IS IT NORMAL TO BE A VIRGIN AT 30?
This is not the kind of thing that should be measured by a “normalcy” yardstick at all. The absence of sexual experience in a person’s life, whether currently or historically, doesn’t make them deficient or, conversely, saintly. And here’s why:
- Virginity doesn’t exist
It’s a social construct created to mark a person’s transition from childhood to adulthood, where they can engage in sex and procreation. Male virginity is ephemeral and not easily definable. The situation is a bit more complex for females, as there’s the idea of the hymen at the entrance to the vagina, which is traditionally believed to break during the first sexual encounter. However, medical experts have long emphasized that the hymen isn’t a film or an impenetrable barrier, nor does it serve as a “seal of purity.” It’s simply a fold of mucous membrane that can have various forms and structures. In some women, due to its elasticity, it remains intact even after childbirth, let alone sex. Determining whether a woman has had sex isn’t always straightforward, even for gynecologists. Swiss doctors have suggested renaming the hymen the “vaginal corona” because it has no bearing on a person’s innocence.
2. Sex isn’t a necessity of life
Gynecologists believe that delaying or abstaining from sexual intercourse doesn’t harm one’s health. The absence of or late initiation into sexual activity can be due to a complex set of reasons. Often, societal expectations and stereotypes magnify this “issue”. From a physiological perspective, it’s greatly exaggerated. People have varying levels of sexual desire, from hypersexual to completely asexual. How one chooses to express their sexuality depends on their individual and social factors, and judging someone based on that is unfair.
Full orgasms can be achieved through both partnered sex and masturbation. Considering masturbation as harmful is uninformed, as leading sexologists worldwide have long agreed on its benefits. The means by which one achieves sexual release — be it masturbation or traditional sex — is physiologically irrelevant. The absence or presence of the hymen also doesn’t matter from a medical standpoint. Delayed sexual activity, or abstaining when not inclined otherwise, is normal. When sexual desire is present, the issue becomes more psychological or psychosexual.
3. There are many other interesting and enjoyable activities in life
Mass media skillfully creates an illusion that nothing is more important than sex, that it’s an incredibly vivid experience without which one cannot feel complete. However, firstly, this is a highly debatable point of view. Sex is not always a guarantee of pleasure, and orgasm during intercourse is regularly experienced by 95 % of men but only 65 % of women. Secondly, masturbation and sexual aids are still available options. (Except in Middle Eastern countries where they have never been permitted.) Thirdly, besides sex, there’s work, creativity, sports, travel, delicious food, interesting books, great music, warm seas, and heartfelt conversations with friends. As the saying goes, sex is certainly great, but when you find a long-forgotten hundred-dollar bill in your old jeans, you might experience a feeling close to an orgasm!
WHAT TO DO IF LACK OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE WORRIES YOU?
Years of psychological research show that most people either fantasize that everything is fine in their lives or constantly think only about problems and obstacles. In the first case, people deceive themselves and therefore don’t want to change anything in their real lives. In the second case, people don’t want to change anything in their real lives because the obstacles seem insurmountable. Thirty- or forty-year-old virgins often belong to these two categories. They fear changing something in their lives either because “everything is fine as it is” or because “it won’t work out anyway.”
In reality, the issue of prolonged virginity can be addressed by using a technique known as mental contrasting. To do this, you need to develop a mental habit of simultaneously envisioning what you desire while being aware of the obstacles. There’s no need to constantly dwell on why you don’t have a sexual life compared to others. Accept it as a given and then contemplate your desires, visualize the results, identify the obstacles, and make a plan to overcome them.
For example, if you’re a 35-year-old virgin, you might be observing friends who have girlfriends but struggle to even meet someone. Start by observing your friends, acquaintances, and colleagues and try to emulate their behavior. Don’t set yourself unattainable tasks. Seek support; having someone nearby who supports you can make a big difference.
And the last thing you should be afraid of is that when you meet “your person” in adulthood, you will not have enough strength to satisfy him intimately. The reliable ManPlus product allows you to experience a surge of sexual desire, maximum pleasure from intimacy, and even enhanced orgasms even in old age.
Regardless of the reasons why a person remains sexually inexperienced, it’s up to them to decide how to approach it. Traditional notions of virginity and the role it plays have long become outdated. The absence of sex doesn’t lead to medical pathologies and doesn’t make life less fulfilling.
If you’re content with your current situation, confidently ignore the opinions of others, jokes, and stereotypes. However, if you do want to introduce sex into your life but face difficulties, consider consulting a psychotherapist. They can help you understand the reasons behind your situation and find a solution.
