Embarking on your sexual life should happen at the age that is legally considered the “age of consent.” This means the age at which a girl or boy is deemed capable of giving informed consent for sex according to criminal law. In many countries, this age is 18 years old.
If one of the partners is younger, there could be legal problems, including imprisonment for up to 20 years.
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Many people believe that the real first sexual contact involves the penetration of the male sexual organ into the female vagina. However, this is far from the only option.
For some partners, the first sex experience might involve oral pleasures. Some may experiment with anal penetration.
There are also those who prefer to engage in petting and use sex toys. It’s up to you to decide what kind of intimate contact you consider as the real thing. Do what feels comfortable for you and your partner.
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In the past, it was believed that during the first sexual contact, a girl would always bleed, indicating her virginity. In reality, bleeding is not always guaranteed. The hymen, a thin fold of connective tissue, partially covers the vagina. In some girls, this fold is wider and more robust, while in others, it is thin, narrow, and elastic. Bleeding depends on this individual variation. In some cases, there might be so little blood that it is hardly noticeable, and this is also considered normal.
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There is a belief that the first sexual experience is remembered for a lifetime. However, firstly, this is only possible if you do not abuse alcohol or drugs before it. And secondly, even if your relationship turns out to be short-lived, you will likely remember the name and face of the person with whom you had your first time. Therefore, choose partners whom you won’t be ashamed to remember years later.
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To ensure that your first sexual experience is safe and enjoyable, it’s beneficial to follow these rules:
- GET TO KNOW YOUR OWN BODY BEFOREHAND
Masturbation can be helpful, and many boys and girls resort to it even before meeting their partner.
By caressing and stimulating your genital organs, you will discover what brings you pleasure and what actions and movements to avoid. This experience will be valuable during your first sexual encounter, as you can guide your partner in pleasuring you.
Additionally, self-pleasure will introduce you to orgasms, teach you how to relax, and let your body understand that sex is an interesting and enjoyable activity. Consequently, you will approach your first time without unnecessary fears and inhibitions.
- DON’T HESITATE TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS ALOUD
Feeling nervous before your first sexual experience is normal. Young men may worry about penis size or the possibility of premature ejaculation. For girls, the concern may be whether it will be painful.
The perfect way to alleviate these worries is to honestly talk about them with your partner. This will help both of you better understand each other and make your relationship more intimate and trusting.
The young man will discover that girls are generally not concerned about the size of the genital organ; they desire tenderness and sensitivity. The girl will understand that her partner is willing to adapt to her desires if she feels uncomfortable.
- DISCUSS THE DETAILS OF YOUR FIRST INTIMATE CONTACT BEFOREHAND
It is quite possible that you and your partner have different expectations regarding the first intimate encounter. Each person has their own experiences, ideas about sex, fantasies, and upbringing. Therefore, it’s better to discuss the upcoming process beforehand to avoid later grievances like “I expected something completely different!”
Moreover, sincere discussion and expressing desires can become a sort of lovemaking prelude, arousing the exciting desire to try sex with this particular person.
- AVOID RADICAL FANTASIES
Since your first sexual experience is new for your body, you do not yet know how it will react and what you will enjoy or not. So let your first experience be as simple and classic as possible. Save ideas from porn movies or desires that involve, for example, the use of force for later, when you gain more experience. If, of course, you still want to explore such things.
- AGREE ON A SAFE WORD
Prearrange a safe word that your partner will immediately recognize as a signal to stop the process. This is crucial in case something goes wrong. For instance, if one of the partners experiences pain or decides to stop physical intimacy due to sad memories resurfacing. By the way, changing your mind at the last moment is a legitimate right for both partners. Respect that.
- ENSURE A COMFORTABLE LOCATION
Be conscious in choosing the place for your first sexual experience. It should be comfortable and safe; otherwise, the risk of unexpected difficulties will be high. Ideally, there should be a nearby shower and toilet where you can escape together immediately afterward if needed.
- PURCHASE LUBRICANT
Even if both of you eagerly anticipate having sex, it’s possible that at the crucial moment, the girl’s body won’t produce enough natural lubrication. Therefore, it’s a good idea to have some lubricant on hand – it will significantly ease penetration.
Tip: Opt for water-based lubricants. Oil-based gels can degrade latex, which is often used in condoms, making your sex unsafe
- USE CONDOMS
Getting pregnant or contracting an infection can happen from the first time. Therefore, condoms are a necessary accessory.
Some people claim that using condoms during sex is like sniffing a rose while wearing a gas mask or taking a bath with shoes on. Often, these are people who have already experienced a bouquet of venereal diseases, and they spread such rumors to make others feel bad.
In reality modern condoms, especially the super-thin ones, fully transmit all the physical sensations while providing your partner with a sense of security and confidence, making sex even more enjoyable.
Later, if you trust each other, you can consider other methods of protection against unwanted pregnancy, such as intrauterine devices or oral contraceptives. But for the first time (or even multiple times), always use condoms. It’s easy, affordable, and reliable.
- TAKE TIME FOR FOREPLAY
While experienced adults might consider foreplay an optional aspect (who hasn’t dreamed of passionate sex for three minutes in an elevator or on an office desk?), it is essential during first-time sex.
Embracing, kissing, caressing, and watching erotic videos together are the things that will help you relax and prepare your bodies for intimacy.
- DON’T RUSH
Even if you’re eager, the slower and smoother the process, the more intimate muscles will relax, which facilitates penetration.
Besides, you’ll be able to fully enjoy the new experience.
- TRY DIFFERENT SEX POSITIONS
The classic missionary position is a safe choice since it allows you to see each other’s faces, resembling an embrace. However, it doesn’t mean you should limit yourself to just that.
Here are a few simple sex positions for beginners:
- Woman on top;
- 69;
- Man from behind.
In the first time you probably won’t try them all, and that’s not necessary. Simply choose a position that feels most comfortable for both of you and derive maximum pleasure from it.
- COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER DURING THE PROCESS
There’s a stereotype, mostly based on watching multiple porn movies, that sex mostly consists of passionate moans and exclamations like, “This is amazing!”
In reality, genuine communication during sex makes it much more exciting. Talking helps to relax and respond more sensitively to your partner’s desires.
Share your feelings with your partner: which movements intensify your sensations, what you’d like to repeat, and what you don’t like.
For many people these sexual conversations are the sparks that ignite passion.
There’s nothing wrong with general phrases like, “I like it,” “You’re amazing,” “I enjoy having sex with you.” However, you can infuse them with emotions by adding descriptive details.
For instance “I like this” transforms into “Yes, keep going, I love feeling your big/small hands on my chest/butt, there’s no one sexier than you.”
“You look beautiful” becomes “You’re better than any of my fantasies; I adore you and your wonderful/soft/strong… (insert any body part you can’t get enough of).”
“Having sex with you is enjoyable” becomes “I love how you hold onto the sheets during orgasm. I enjoy hearing your breath catch when I kiss you in (well, you know where it’s best to kiss your partner). I want to be inside you/on you/underneath you.”
Each of us has trigger words that can either arouse or have the opposite effect. Some people enjoy “dirty” words, while for others, they evoke discomfort.
Particularly challenging is describing genitals. Some prefer medical terms like “penis” and “vagina,” while others opt for euphemisms like “jade stalk” and “pleasure cave.”
Later, when you and your partner become more familiar with each other, these conversations will become shorter. But in the beginning, talking will help you understand each other’s desires better.
- DON’T TRY TO ACHIEVE ORGASM AT ANY COST OR DELAY IT
For young men orgasm during the first sex may start too quickly. For girls, on the contrary, it may not happen at all. It’s essential to understand that both situations are normal.
Sex is a skill that improves over time. Just like driving, riding a bicycle, or learning to read, you can’t become an expert at it on the first attempt.
Remember that failures are natural, and with practice, they’ll become less frequent. Pleasure, on the other hand, will increase.
- DON’T DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH OTHERS
In teenage comedies it might seem amusing, when a young man brags about his first sexual experience to friends. In real life, though, it’s likely that his partner does not wish their intimate life to be the topic of discussion.
Regardless of whether you want to boast or complain, avoid sharing the details of your sexual life with friends. Chances are your friends would prefer to look your partner in the eye calmly without recalling intricate positions, intimate tattoos, sexual fantasies, and other details that should remain within the couple.
Sex is an intimate matter. It concerns only the two of you. Respect each other’s feelings and the right to privacy!
